My cat’s 19th birthday today! Kindergarten to Sophomore year of College
i said a swear once and next thing you know i was doing meth
sometimes i really want to explore abandoned places but then i remember that i sprint out of rooms after i turn the lights off
*cares more about TV show characters and their problems than my own*
What should I get my mom for her bday?
a condom. maybe she won’t mess up next time.
FACT OF THE DAY: the dc in washington dc originally stood for “da capital” but abraham lincoln thought it was unprofessional and changed it
why’d we have to color so much in school. it didnt teach us anything. is “staying in the lines” a subconscious metaphor for not revolting against the bourgeoisie
YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL IF:
- you have a body
- that’s it
- you’re beautiful
- you win
You have potentially offended hundreds if not thousands of ghosts.
“because of reasons” is always a legitimate reason
“because fuck you that’s why” is also acceptable
“for science” is a good excuse
don’t forget “the stars are not in position” as a perfect reason to not do something“Not since the accident.” can be the answer to any question.
you guys are leaving out “think of the children” as a way to persuade anybody to do something for you
last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up